Self Care - The Not Now List

Feeling overwhelmed by endless to-dos and self-care “shoulds”? 

Discover the power of the Not Now List- a simple brain-dump strategy designed for busy, creative minds (especially if you’re juggling ADHD, parenting, or just too much at once). 

Learn how to reclaim your focus, honor your ideas, and finally give yourself permission to do less—without guilt. Press play and find your moment of calm!

Transcript

Jessica Lewis: 0:00

Welcome to Quick Wins for ADHD Moms podcast. Today's quick win is a game changer. It's called The Not Now List. This isn't your kids coming up to you and you say, Hey, not now. Okay? We're not talking about their lists, we're talking about the lists that eat up all of the time in your brain. You know what I'm talking about? All the things. Oh, I should be doing this, I should be doing that. Well, we're gonna put all of that or most of it on the Not Now list. Let's dive in. So, you know, that moment when your brain starts rapid firing, self-improvement ideas like, oh, I, I should start journaling again. Or, oh, I haven't taken my vitamins in days, maybe months. I really need to book that doctor's appointment. I should drink more water. Oh, maybe I should try yoga again or maybe go for a run. Uh, maybe I would be better off if I delete Instagram. Insert whatever you think that you need to be doing here. So now you're overwhelmed by all of the things that are supposed to help you feel better, and that's the problem. When everything feels urgent, nothing actually gets done, especially if you're parenting. Struggling work, working from home, adhd, and that's the problem. When everything feels urgent and we know, we know this feeling, everything feels urgent, nothing actually gets done, especially when you're parenting and also working from home. Maybe your spouse is working from home too. It's a lot to juggle, but here's where the not now list comes in. Instead of letting your brain run wild, which can be fun sometimes, but not when it's overwhelmed wild. Just pause, breathe, and do this. Grab your phone, grab a note. Just pick up any sticky note piece of paper and just write out, not now, then dump it all out. Every should. That's floating in your brain. Every self-care goal, every habit you wanna try, maybe a podcast someone recommended, maybe a smoothie recipe that you want to try out all of that stuff. Just put it on the not now list. Let it live somewhere and give yourself permission to not do it right now. One of my favorite brain dumping stations is notion. It's basically my second brain because I know that my ADHD brain, I need outside structure because everything inside I'm not gonna remember and it's gonna be all jumbled. So I use notion to keep my, keep myself in order. And I have different lists too. Like I know there's work task lists and there there's home task lists, but sometimes I'm not sure which one it is and I just need to get outta my brain. So I just create a new note and I just dump everything in the new note and it saves it, and I can actually research that or look that up later if I need to come back to it later. I find that a lot of times I don't even need to come back to it. I just need to get it out of my brain and then I can move on. I know that it's safe. Like I know that I can look it up later and then I can forget about it and then I won't feel bad that I might forget about it. It's all there, but I also know I don't have to act on it right now. And it's interesting looking back at the lists that you make and you think, why was that so important? Why did that take up so much brain space? Why did I feel that was urgent? I'm so glad I didn't act on that because it was a distraction. But having a place to dump everything out and get it out of your brain gives you a sense of control without the pressure of having to do everything. It's like honoring your ideas, like telling yourself, wow, you're creative. You have such great ideas, but we don't have to do that right now. The not now list. It's not about ignoring your needs, it's just about creating a safe space to park your thoughts so that they don't hijack your current moment. Because here's the deal, ADHD brains are fantastic at idea generation and energy bursts, and we want to do all of those things now and all at once, but the follow through. That comes from calm and clarity, and we don't get calm and clarity when our brains are ping ponging with 27 things we haven't done yet. Not to mention the thousands of things that our kids want us to do right now. The Hey mom. Hey mom. Watch this. Watch this. Look at me. It's so hard when there's a thousand things going in my brain and I'm like, what? Watch what? Huh? We just want a moment of calm and clarity, right? So then what do you do after you make the list? One thing you can do is do nothing. Just get it all out and leave it there. Another thing you could do is just scan through it, see if there's anything on there that you know you absolutely need to get done, and make sure it's tiny. Don't pick something big. You don't wanna overwhelm yourself again, just look at it and see if there's just a tiny thing that maybe just calling the doctor and scheduling that appointment. Maybe you have to do that and you can just get that done. But get everything else in your brain out of your brain so you can think about the most important things you need to get done. And somehow we tell ourselves, yeah, but that's not enough. I have a huge list. And doing one small little thing doesn't feel like enough, but it is. Brushing your teeth. Do you ever, this sounds dumb, but do you ever struggle with just brushing your teeth? Like I'll get started on my day and I forget, and I have a morning routine, but I literally forget my morning routine every morning. So in notion, I go on and I'm like, here's the things you need to do today. You're gonna start out with devotions, you're gonna start out with double checking to make sure you don't have any live sessions that you need to be doing today, or meetings that you can't miss. Make sure your kids don't have appointments that's going on. It's in my calendar, but it's also a notion to remind me, oh yeah, check the calendar. I have to remind myself to check the calendar and brush my teeth. I know it sounds ridiculous, but once I recognize I need outside structure to keep me organized, then I can go back and look because my memory is. Is off the charts bad, but it's okay because I'm writing things down and I have a system. And maybe that's what you need to, maybe you just have everything in your head because all of your friends don't struggle with that. All of your friends just remember things. Well, you're not them. You are you. If you struggle with ADHD and have an ADHD brain, it just functions differently than everybody else. So you've heard this many times before, but you can't compare yourself to someone else. This can be the moment where you recognize that, okay, my brain doesn't work like everybody else, and that's okay. And here's what I need. I need outside structure. What does that look like? And maybe you spend your time trying to figure out how to put that structure together, how to send yourself reminders throughout the day. Whether that's on your watch or maybe your phone reminders, there's so many ways that you can set up outside structure these days. It's just whatever is going to work for you. And then whatever small task that you end up doing, whether it's just brushing your teeth, that's enough. Tell yourself that's enough. You don't have to do the 10 million things that are on your task list right now. Just do one small thing and remind yourself that's enough. One of the things on my morning routine, and it's really simple and I do have to look at my routine list to remember things. Something that has become a habit, and I don't, don't have to look at it, is just making my bed. I know it's one tiny action, but if I start with that, it really sets the tone for the day. And what's great about that one is I am always walking into the bedroom and I see it. I'm like, oh, it's a visual reminder. Oh, you need to make the bed. Another visual reminder that I love after I make my bed, it's all clean and then I'll dump the laundry onto the bed. So it's a visual reminder that, oh, you need to do laundry today. And it sounds ridiculous, but these visual reminders is how I go about my day. I know not everybody struggles with that, but I need visual reminders and that's what works. Sometimes I don't even have the energy to do all of the laundry, so I'll just go in and grab a couple pieces that are on top and I'll just fold a couple pieces of laundry. Sometimes I'll just leave it there. Other times, just that one little action of grabbing a shirt and folding a shirt gives me enough momentum that I end up just doing the entire load of laundry.'cause then I get hyper-focused on folding all of the laundry. So dump everything out onto a piece of paper. On in, in notion, maybe email yourself, your task list, whatever's gonna work for you. Get it out of your brain because our ADHD brains are seeking dopamine. And in the moment we want to do all of the things that seem really exciting, but then our executive function part of our brain taps out, and then we become paralyzed. We start scrolling. And the Not Now list just meets you where you are. It lets you capture that excitement in all the ideas without letting them own you. It's a boundary. It says, Hey, I hear you. You have great ideas, but let's not lose'em. So we're gonna pick one and that's gonna be enough for now. And I know with growing task lists, it feels like, especially as a mom, especially as an ADHD mom, it's easy to feel like you're falling behind all of the time. Like everyone else has their morning routine and color coded calendar and gym membership they actually use and a pantry full of glass jars and beautiful organized life. But let me say this clearly to you right now. You are not behind. You're figuring out how to build a life that works for you and you're on this journey. It's a real time journey with real life obstacles and your brain just works differently. The Not Now list helps honor that journey. It says, yep, I care. I have goals. I wrote them all down, but I'm not chasing them from a place of pressure anymore. And that's huge. So the next time you feel overwhelmed with too many ideas, too many tasks to do, too many good intentions, just write them down and then ask, what's the one tiny thing I can do right now that would just feel good or supportive? And let that be enough. You can always come back to the list. So thanks for listening and hanging out with me today. I know that you're crazy busy. I don't know that that will ever change, but your mindset about it can change. So thanks for hanging out with me today. I hope you found this really helpful and encouraging. And if you did, just share it with a friend who also needs to hear this. Be kind to yourself'cause you're doing better than you think.